May 16, 2009

Forget Shark Attacks...What About the Octopuses?

As summer quickly approaches, I've noticed an increase in visits to this blog from people doing web searches on area shark attacks. Now, I fully understand that some people are still traumatized by the 1975 movie Jaws. But if they had just taken the time to watch all the sequels to the original Jaws, they would have quickly realized that sharks don't really eat helicopters and that the true risk of being a shark attack victim was greatly exaggerated in the films (they do that you know?). In truth, the actual odds of an attack are extremely low--I'm talking about 'low' as in getting struck by lightning while holding a winning lottery ticket.

But, you say, sharks do attack helicopters, don't you look at the Internet? Well, I'm here to tell you that this shocking photo that made the Internet rounds for many years is actually a fake. I know, it is shocking that someone would fake this, but I can assure you that no US military helicopter has ever been consumed by a shark. As for Naval Divers, well, they do spend a lot of time in the water.

So what's the point of this blog post? The point is that people need not worry about shark attacks when vacationing in Carolina Beach or Kure Beach (Wrightsville is a different story as I hear they actually chum the water--j/k, we love our neighbors to the north). Last year, there were only three reported shark incidents for both South and North Carolina combined (check the above 'shark attack' link). So really, you need not concern yourself about sharks during your beach vacation. Instead, enjoy yourself, relax, have fun in the sun, and most of all, spend lots of money ;-)

But, with all that said, if you ever see indications that Octopuses are cruising (or whatever it is called when these freak-like water spiders move about) the shoreline, stay the hell out of the water. IMO, they are the sea creatures that we should all truly fear.

Not only are octopuses dangerous in the ocean, these bastards have eight legs (or arms so say the octopus experts) so they can theoretically follow you to your car. Actually, I remember reading on some website once that these menacing creatures have been known to hide under vehicles and when unknowing victims return to their cars, they will reach out with one of their freak-a-zoid legs (or arms) and cut the unsuspecting victim's Achilles tendon thus causing the poor hapless soul to crumble to the ground where the apex predator can then drag the hobbled victim to their hell-like sea den. No really, this is true, I read it somewhere on the Internet.

So to anyone who doesn't believe me when I say that we need to direct all our ocean safety resources to stopping Octopuses and not sharks, just check out this video. And when you're done, you tell me which one you fear the most. The ocean really does suck!

(PS. To any members of the comma police, I apologize for this post but I was in a comma mood today, I just was.)

For additional shark posts, click here.
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